Dealing with rejection

We all hate rejection. You'll burn down your boyfriends car for dumping you. Boys would gang rape a girl for rejecting them. We hear of people shooting because someone rejected them.
No one likes rejection. I know I don't.



Last week, my friend, the amazing Wanjiru and I were having lunch on the lot and she said. "People can't hear NO". It surprised me she said that. That was my naivete at play again. I thought I was the only one who experienced that, people hate you just because you've said no to them.

I've discovered the reason we get so upset at rejection is because of ego. You think you are this amazing person and the world needs to lick your behind and when it doesn't, you get all riled up and explode.

Sometime last year, I was trusting God for something. The day drew nigh and I went into the meeting and I came out. The answer was no. Was I pissed? or was I pissed? I was pissed. I was so angry, Driving home I was talking to myself, yelling in the car. I wasn't upset at the people who said no to me. I was upset at God. Why not? I had fasted, prayed, trusted, quoted every chapter in the bible. Especially  Proverbs 21:1"the kings heart is in Gods hands and he directs it like a water course to where he wants it to go". Don't you just love Sunday School?
And yet, I was rejected. I was so mad at God.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't even have a boyfriend, I started a choir when I was 13, I planted a church at 16, I taught Sunday School, I pay my tithe even when I can't afford to...blah blah blah blah.

I listed my amazing-ness to God and why he owed me a blessing. Then I gave him an ultimatum.

God, I give you two weeks, if I do not get this thing, I will denounce my faith. I will burn my bible, I will do this and that.

Why? you didn't get the memo that I'm a lil loony? Just a lil though. Small.

About some days later, I got a song in my spirit.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours

All my pride, went out of me. God does not owe me anything. Those people who rejected me don't owe me anything. Nobody, owes me anything. So, why can't they say no?
I looked at the bigger picture. Why if they said no because they HAD to? If it was necessary for them to say no? It is their choice.

I have said no to people in my life and it cost me. Boy did it cost me. Tell an employee no and they quit, frame lies about you, mess up your image. Don't use my car. That's even worse.

I've seen people at awards shows and when they don't win, their body language changes. They leave the hall, they hate on the award. It's all pride.
A friend said to me two days ago that he is so upset I didn't get an AMAA nomination. I told him I am too old for such baseless emotions. Because one year I didn't get a nomination I should be upset? Of course not. To me it means I made some bad decisions. I took a step back when I should have taken more steps forward. Above all, I am looking beyond these circular stuff. I'd like to be on a world stage. So no, I have no reason to be upset. It surprised him and I felt good. He thought I was gonna be upset! I felt good because, I have outgrown fretting over the small stuff. I have tamed my ego, my pride and I look at the bigger picture.

Don't get me wrong I am no saint. When you are rejected, it's a human reaction; human nature to be disappointed. It is what you do after the initial disappointment that makes the difference. Do you get a gun and go a-shooting or do you inhale, exhale and keep it moving? I used to get so upset when an actor passes on my script. But now, when I hear PASS, I laugh, say thank you, and offer to take the agent out to lunch or for coffee. I end up making friends with them. Next time, you think I'm going to get a no? err no.

Ego. Pride.
If you are all of that, why are you needing acceptance from someone else? If you're all of that, when when you hear no, you should perk up, and tell yourself it's because you will find something better. But when you get angry at being rejected, it is because you are acknowledging that you are a non-sequitur. Irrelevant. That hurts you. Your foolish pride comes in, lying to you and you lash out. By the time you realize it, you have destroyed any possibility of a second chance.

Mind you, there are those people who reject via personal vendettas. Those ones, just sever contact and move on. You do not want people like that around you anyway. Go and get something better.

Check your pride. It is the reason you are furious at rejection.
Have you been rejected? use it to your advantage.